I breathed, it was the only thing I could do, breathe. I could still feel the warmth of his hands, how he did not let go of me until he had to leave, and his body embracing me, saying that our story should not end like this. I knew it as soon as he left, but it was too late. A part of me was gone and would never be the same again.
As I walked through the empty house, his eyes popped into my head and breake my heart, I remembered him pleading, his voice begging me to change my mind, reminding me of his dreams of a life together. It was noy easy to convince him that it was best for both of us, but I persisted. It was not long before we had our beginning and our end.
Father had not accepted him, so cold was his refusal to receive or see him, he considered it something humiliating to be with him. Ana Elliot could not let herself be dishonored with such a boy! Ana Elliot, who had the whole future ahead of her, beautiful and intelligent, at the age of 19, getting involved with a young man with no job, no studies and no family, sinking in the misfortune of an agonizing, poor life! He prevented it at all costs, he told me that my mother would not have approved if she had been with us, he picked me up from college until the end of the year, He took away my phone and finally did not let me leave the house.
But none of his attempts had stopped us, money. What was that compared to love, compared to the great feeling of finding your partner, a friend, a dream? He was not a nobody, as Dad said, he was Frederick Wentworth, who had taken my hand and shown me a new world. Time had stopped and winter had become spring. Then everything that had been important to me until then changed. Our fantasies went far beyond the city in which we lived. For half a year we had the best adventures, he was brilliant and with his incredible intelligence he came up with things that always made me laugh. And in the moments when sadness came, in his case because of the death of his parents and in mine because of my mother, we leaned on each other and found the strength to continue.
Our love was easy, quick and deep, I had never fallen in love before and understood that it would be difficult to do it again. Which of us dreamed of a life together with the other? Which of us was overjoyed when we confessed our feelings to each other, I when I heard his declaration and proposal, or he when he heard my response?
Then Aunt Monica, who was my best friend and now a mother, agreed to meet him and she was nice to him. But when she left me at home, she was firm in her opinion, she did not want me to see him anymore. The very thought was like a crash. Frederick had told her of his goals to travel the world and make videos, he hoped to be rich soon. He was full of fire and life and knew he could build a business that would expand into tourism. This strong confidence and his enthusiastic way of expressing it were enough for me to believe him, but Aunt Monica saw it differently.
She saw him a simple dreamer, who would come to nothing, the bold fantasy based on an idea she had never seen before caused her horror. She called him unreasonable, stubborn and even dangerous. So she made it clear to me through her comments and phone calls how unfortunate it was to get involved with him and how terrible it would be for my future. She told me to wake up and think hard. What would happen to my career? Get married and travel with him to who knows where? How would we live? What would we eat? Away from my family and home that my mother had fought so hard to leave me as an inheritance. She would never accept it, she cried and asked me to reconsider my answer, she gave a thousand reasons why she knew nothing would end well. The last one was the one that made me think: I was not enough for him, I had nothing to offer, I was young and inexperienced. And it would be a burden instead of a help. I had never worked before and had never been out of town. I was scared then. Added to that were my father's threats that he would do everything in his power to stop his business. Grief and remorse consumed me and I broke off our short courtship, I said things that were not true, I hurt his feelings so he would leave me. And tried to convince me that it was best for both of us.
The eight years that followed were the most difficult for me as everyone had forgotten what had happened except me. The little trips I made across the country or the friendships I made were nothing like Frederick Wentworth as I remembered him. There was not anyone really worth knowing, I did not like any of those who came and none of them had the spontaneity and nature of his. I never imagined how big my decision was and the consequences it would have on my life. When I was twenty-two, Charles, son of Walter Musgrove, appeared as an assistant manager in the same firm my father had, and although the two families tried to unite us, nothing happened on my part, after a while Charles caught up started dating my younger sister, Mary, who had just come out of boarding school.
So the years went by and we never got to talk to Aunt Mónica about the main problem of my lack of dating. I did not blame her for taking her "merciful" advice to guide me, I could not go back in time. My life was based around waking up each morning in a state of ignorance of what was happening, there was no news to shock me enough, no close friends I trusted, and my curiosity about the life I had before was dwindling. I believe that despite all the disadvantages and opposition, all the prejudices against Frederick, I knew that I would have been happier traveling with him than I am now.
Time had not been kind to my father his company had gone bankrupt and now he was living and wasting his life savings that in a short time there would be nothing left, my older sister Barbara had returned home after a publicly shameful divorce and my younger sister She could not live in peace with her three children. That had made her drop out of college anyway and find other jobs to pay off the debt that was piling up day by day.
Aunt Monica had suggested that they rent the house for a while so they could raise the money they needed to pay off their debts.
- If we manage to convince your father to rent it - she said - looking around her project - then we will have achieved a lot. If he submits to the expenses I deem necessary, in seven years his situation will be clear. I am confident, but we must act calmly and decisively. After all, anyone who makes debts cannot avoid paying them.
It did not take much for my father to think about it, he, who had never really cared about the North Hill house and was as lost in business as a farmer in town without a better idea, saw that there was one good was exit for getting what he wanted. Keep spending the money and buying more things. He assigned Barbara to do the proper paperwork and the announcement on the internet. And it did not take long for some replies to come in.
For me the news was different, I respected Aunt Mónica's opinion, I trusted her eye in business, but still my feelings were different. The house in North Hill was where I had the best memories of my mother, she put a lot of effort into building it. She had spent years making it a home for all of us. I remember her sitting by the window in the library or making cookies in the kitchen for us to take to school. She had said she would leave it to me as her inheritance. Mary had wanted it as a wedding present for her marriage to Charles, but my mother had stood by her decision, knowing I would take care of her. Being away from home for seven years would be too long. It was the only place I had company, it was where I felt safe and comfortable, it was my hiding place from the outside world. But no one asked me what I thought of the idea, and so used to my comments being ignored, I kept quiet and said nothing. So one winter morning Mr. Shepherd, a neighbor and "friend" of my father, came in a hurry and said he had found a good candidate for the property.
-He is a retired man from the army, it is just him and his wife and an older son who will be visiting them for a few seasons, from what they have told me they are rich and they would be more than happy to pay the amount we have given them as a down payment. I think it would be an honor for them to rent the wonderful house they own - replied Mr. Shepherd with praise, given the prejudice my father had against men who were poor and belonged to a different economic level.
My father shook his head. "I suppose they will look around the house and no doubt praise their good fortune." When he saw me on the stairs, he sent me to his office to speak without my presence, which, as he said so often, bothered him. Aunt Mónica said that it was because I looked like my mother, I feel that he had never really loved her, I did not know what it was, maybe it was his conscience because he had married or regret.
I stood cautiously by the door and could hear a little of the conversation.
"And who is this Mr. Croft?" - My father asked in a cold and suspicious tone.
Mr. Shepherd informed him that they were a good family and that they were foreigners from Australia. His son is known on the Internet, he is famous, my daughter told me.
-What is he doing?
-Leticia said that it was like some country documentaries, that she had also been on a cable program about travel. That he is very famous and that he became rich.
That doesn't have much of a future. - Commented my father-what's his name?
Mr. Shepherd was silent for a moment - I don't remember exactly, sorry, I think his last name was Wentworth.
-Wentworth? - said my father thinking -I don't know anyone with that name...- and He ask Mr. Shepherd another thing without giving importance to the matter. That I could no longer hear because of the strong rapid beating of my heart.
I closed my eyes and blew out a breath. A few more months and maybe he'll be here.
